Shrek 2

It was only a matter of time before we got to this, ladies and gentlemen. You can't really review sequels and not have Shrek's name pop up once or twice. Or three times. Or four times. With a Puss in Boots spin-off. *sigh* I foresee a lot of the green guy gracing this blog in the future.

It's time once again to count how many ass jokes they can put in a kid's movie as we review Shrek 2.

DVD Cover: I've got to say I'm not a fan of this DVD cover. The characters are all spread around instead of doing something unified, and the poor use of negative space all around them just makes the scene look vacant and exposed.

I'll give Dreamworks some credit here, at least only Donkey has that cocked eyebrow Dreamworks trademarked facial expression.

Ironically, on the set up menu Donkey mentions the lack of subtitle for this movie. Personally, I'm with Shrek in subtitling it "Dude, Where's My Donkey?".

Plot: The movie opens to a brief recap of Fiona's Princess by day, Ogre by night situation and how her parents locked her in the tower at the advice of a Fairy Godmother, to await Prince Charming's kiss of true love.

Prince Charming, monologuing all the way, arrives at the castle where Fiona was held at, risking life and limb, only to find in her bed the Wolf from Little Red Riding Hood. When asked where Fiona is, the Wolf replies that she's on her honeymoon, much to Charming's surprise.

The scene changes to a montage of honeymoon scenes with Shrek and Fiona. They go about as well as you'd think, given the first installment, and parodying several popular movies at the time as far as romantic scenes go.

Spider-man you are not, Shrek.

After that musical number, the happy couple make their way back to their home, happy to be alone. However, upon entering their house they come across Donkey, who's been waiting for Shrek to get home like an abandoned puppy.

When he doesn't get the hint and is asked to leave and get back to Dragon, Donkey reveals that she's PMSing and he'd rather stay with Shrek. He misses even more of the point when Shrek tells him every which way that the couple want to be left alone. They finally get Donkey out of the picture, but he just comes right back, informing Shrek and Fiona that there are some people outside.

It turns out that Fiona is being summoned by her parents to visit the kingdom of Far, Far Away to celebrate her marriage and have said marriage blessed by her father, the King. Shrek puts his foot down and says they aren't going, mostly out of concern that they are both Ogres.

Puts a new spin on "We're not going and that's final!", doesn't it?

Shrek reluctantly goes, leaving the care of his house to his storybook friends. After a traditional "Are we there yet?" set of annoying scenes involving Donkey, the trio arrives at the kingdom of Far, Far Away. Dreamworks highlights this by playing "Funkytown" as their song of choice. Ooookay...

Not far into the kingdom, the onion carriage and the trio inside attract quite a following as they roll up to the palace. The King (voiced by the ever so awesome John Cleese) and Queen (voiced by Julie Andrews) eagerly await their daughter, and their reaction (as well as the crowd) is pretty much what you'd expect.

Both Shrek and the King receive the situation negatively, but with coaching from Fiona and the Queen, manage to walk forward to greet each other for the first time. Fiona's parents welcome their daughter with hugs, but when it comes to Shrek...

Well, they say a picture's worth a thousand words!

The scene changes to the dining hall, where Fiona and her mother eat peacefully, Shrek has trouble sorting out a soup spoon from a dinner spoon, and the King stares down the Shrek as if his looks could kill. The tension rises another notch when Fiona burps and she and Shrek share a laugh about it.

Things take a turn for the disastrous when Donkey bursts in on the scene and promptly seats himself at the table. When asked about where they live, Shrek tries to tell a bit of a lie about living in the swamp, but Donkey bursts out laughing and reveals where they truly live, further concerning Fiona's father.

Fiona's mother, on the other hand, mentions the subject of children, causing both Shrek and the King to sputter in shock. The King makes some snarky remarks about Ogres, causing him and Shrek to get into a full on argument about how Ogres behave. This naturally makes a mess of dinner and Fiona leaves in a disappointed huff.

Looks like Shrek's sleeping on the couch tonight.

While she stands on the balcony thinking about what to do, Fiona is visited by the Fairy Godmother (voiced by Jennifer Saunders). It's here we are treated to a song called the "Fairy Godmother Song" which is all about the Fairy Godmother being able to give Fiona whatever she needs to insure that she bags a rich Prince.

Thankfully, Fiona interjects mid-song to tell the Fairy Godmother she doesn't need that stuff and before the Fairy Godmother can object, Shrek barges into the room to check on Fiona. Fiona introduces the Fairy Godmother to Shrek and she can't believe that Fiona got married to him.

Shrek announces they'll be leaving and the Fairy Godmother decides she'd best be off too, but not before leaving Fiona a calling card that Shrek snatches up. After she leaves, the couple break out into another argument and Fiona gets upset because no one is asking her what she wants and walks out on Shrek.

Meanwhile, the King is ranting to the Queen that Fiona should have picked the Prince they picked out for her. The Queen tells it like it is and says it's ultimately Fiona's choice, but before he can counter that, the King notices the Fairy Godmother rolling up in her flying car by the balcony, beckoning him inside.

The Fairy Godmother don't play around.

Visibly pissed, the Fairy Godmother introduces her son, Prince Charming, to the King, and he starts off ranting about how hard he's worked to find Fiona. The Fairy Godmother settles him down and then rounds on the King, saying exactly what Charming did, and tells him that she's been driven to *gasp!* break her diet because of stress.

It turns out that the King and the Fairy Godmother had made a deal in the past and part of that deal was promising Fiona to Prince Charming. The threat of breaking her part of the deal seems to scare the King enough, so the Fairy Godmother drops him back off at home and flies away.

Under the cover of darkness, the King sneaks off to a shady place in the kingdom, a tavern known as the Poison Apple, to seek someone to do away with Shrek. He consults the barkeep, a man looking woman hardy har-har, who points him in the way of a room that houses someone ballsy enough to take on an Ogre.

I'll admit it, that's pretty damn cool looking.

The two strike a deal and the scene changes to Fiona's room, where Shrek is having trouble sleeping. Amidst his thoughts, he notices how damsel in distress obsessed Fiona was as a kid. It becomes very clear after Shrek reads her diary (Dude. Now that's just all kinds of low.), where she writes page after page of her name as Mrs. Fiona Charming.

Shrek's thoughts are interrupted when the King knocks on the door. When Shrek opens, the King asks to be forgiven for being so rude, and Shrek suggests they get to know each other better to avoid that in the future. The King then asks Shrek if he'll go on a morning hunt with him for Fiona's sake, to which Shrek agrees.

The next morning, Shrek and Donkey appear to have gotten lost trying to find the place to meet the King. Wandering aimlessly, the two are attacked by the hit man the King hired- Puss in Boots, voiced by Antonio Banderas. When the two don't take him seriously, Puss launches an all out attack on Shrek. Donkey tries to help, but... well, he's Donkey. He hurts more than helps.

But, as anyone who reads this and owns a cat knows, Puss has a weakness that ends up with him getting caught-

Hairballs. Gets 'em every time.

When debating what to do with Puss, the cat lets it slip that the King hired him to do away with Shrek. Utterly defeated by his inability to be liked by Fiona's father, Shrek says he'll do anything he can to make Fiona happy. It's then that he gets an idea- pulling out the calling card the Fairy Godmother gave him and getting Puss to make Donkey cry on the card, causing it to project an image of the Fairy Godmother.

Unfortunately, it's just a recorded message. Fortunately, Shrek and Donkey decide to invade her office to find a means to make Fiona happy. Puss says he'll come along for the ride because of some honor deal and when Donkey objects, Puss wins Shrek over with a cute, big eyed pouty look.

Meanwhile, Fiona awakes at home to find Shrek missing. She notices that Shrek was looking through her diary and wonders where he could have gotten off to. She asks her parents, but her father dodges the question and instead says that he's thinking about what's best for her and that she should start doing the same.

Back with Shrek, it turns out the Ogre and Puss are getting along quite well, much to Donkey's annoyance. But the fun times are cut short when the group arrives at the Fairy Godmother's factory.

New Skittles sales pitch- Manufacture the Rainbow, Taste the Rainbow.

The group makes their way inside, but the guy at the desk won't let them through. Shrek cooks up a quick lie about being from an organization that represents overworked and under payed magical beings, and this fools him into letting the group into the factory.

Shrek finds himself drawn to a room where the Fairy Godmother is concocting a potion of unknown variety. When she asks why Shrek is there, he says Fiona isn't happy, a fact that the Fairy Godmother relishes in because she believes that Ogres don't live happily ever after.

A fight almost breaks out but is interrupted by a minion bringing the Fairy Godmother some snacks, and Shrek uses it as an excuse to leave. But instead of leaving, Shrek hijacks an outfit and attempts to wear it over his head as a cover to move around freely.

Who is this supposed to fool exactly?

He manages to find his way into the Potions Room with Puss and Donkey in tow. After Puss and Donkey argue a bit, Shrek settles Donkey as look out while Puss scales the shelves in search of a potion to fix his problems. Just as Puss finds a Happily Ever After potion, Donkey slacks off on lookout and the group is found out. Puss steals the potion and the group manages to escape the factory, but not without causing some major damage and mayhem.

As the Fairy Godmother assesses the damage and her son pretends to be hero, she learns that Shrek made off with the Happily Ever After potion. Instead of getting mad, she figures she can use this to her advantage.

The scene changes back to the trio while Shrek reads the label for the potion. Donkey suggests that the potion might be poison, so Puss offers he take the first sip. But Donkey has had enough of Puss hogging Shrek's attention and decides to take a gulp first. He downs a swig, but after nothing happens, Shrek suggests it doesn't work on donkeys and drinks the rest anyway.

Hmmm... tastes like... blueberries and mashed up faeries.

When nothing happens other than Shrek passing gas, Puss dismisses the potion as a dud. Shrek, on the other hand, thinks it means he's not supposed to be with Fiona. Night falls with a steady storm of rain and the group takes shelter for the night, both Shrek and Donkey passing out, presumably because of the potion.

Back with Fiona, she confronts her parents and says that she's going to find Shrek, saying that when she does, they'll return to the swamp. But before she can manage to get outside, she faints, her parents rushing to her aid.

The next morning, Shrek wakes up to a bunch of giggling women watching him. One of them presents him with a bucket of water, which when he gazes inside, finds that the potion transformed him into a human.

Oh. And... um... Donkey's a stallion.

My question is- what did his Dragon wife turn into?

While Donkey celebrates, Puss reads off the label that in order to make the transformations permanent, Shrek must obtain Fiona's kiss by midnight. Why is it always midnight? Donkey and Puss decide that the first thing they need before they get back to Fiona is a change of clothes for Shrek, which of course makes the gaggle of women gasp in anticipation.

Of course they don't change then and there, silly ladies! Instead, they rob a rich man of his clothes by making him think he ran over Donkey. But when his clothes turn out to not fit Shrek at all, they rob his son, who just happens to be about the same size.

The group makes it back to Far, Far Away and receive the exact opposite attention they did when they arrived. Instead of horror, Shrek is greeted with smiles and waves as he makes his way to the castle. At the exact same time, Fiona wakes up and finds out what happened to her, and makes her way down to the castle entrance to see Shrek.

Wait a second, that's not Shrek!

Of course it wouldn't be that easy. While Shrek and Fiona keep missing each other by wandering around the castle, the Fairy Godmother locks Shrek up in a room and Prince Charming meets up with Fiona, pretending to be Shrek.

While under her capture, the Fairy Godmother tells Shrek that Fiona is finally happy and that it's best for him to just leave her alone. Saying that if he loved her, he'd let her go, the Fairy Godmother sends Shrek on his way, crushed by his loss.

The group ends up at the Poison Apple where they wallow in their misery, Shrek most of all when the drag queen bar tender tells them how gorgeous Prince Charming is. Shrek then notices the King in disguise slipping into the back for a meeting with the Fairy Godmother.

It turns out Fiona isn't impressed with Prince Charming's less than convincing Shrek acting. So the Fairy Godmother gives the King a potion that will make her fall in love with the first person she kisses. When the King gets reluctant, the Fairy Godmother threatens to take away what she helped him with, and he backs down, all while Shrek overhears from outside.

Fairytale roofies, how romantic. /sarcasm

Donkey ruins the spying by loudly exclaiming, giving their position away. The Fairy Godmother chases them and the scene changes to the night of the Far, Far Away wedding ball, where we are told how wonderful the outfits look by Joan Rivers. Yeah, I'm totally serious here, they put in Joan Rivers. Oy...

After a few fairytale characters get made fun of, the Fairy Godmother makes her grand appearance. The scene changes to Shrek's swampland friends who are watching the event on TV, which goes to a Cops parody commercial showing Shrek, Donkey, and Puss getting arrested. Realizing that their friends are in danger, the group springs into action.

Back at the castle, the King prepares the potion to give to Fiona by slipping a few drops into her tea. He asks her why she isn't enjoying the party and Fiona is insistent that the "Shrek" at the party isn't her husband. Thinking of his daughter's happiness, the King pretends that the spiked drink was his, and spares Fiona the magical roofies.

Meanwhile, in the dungeon where... horses are chained upside down (what the hell?)...

Shrek and the others have just about run out of hope of being saved when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf, Pinocchio, the Gingerbread Man, and the Three Little Pigs, the Three Blind Mice arrive for the rescue. While this is going down, we get a Mission Impossible parody. Wow, guys. Wow. Mission Impossible? That's SO 1996.

After a really odd joke about Pinocchio wearing a thong (?!?), Shrek, Donkey, and Puss are saved. Everyone collectively thinks a rescue would be a suicide mission until Shrek comes up with an idea to bake a GIANT GINGERBREAD MAN and storm the castle as the Fairy Godmother decides to sing to get Fiona and Prince Charming together.

And then... simply put, the most epic scene in the movie happens. I'm usually cynical through and through, but this scene, with it's music and action... words can't describe... here, try the YouTube video-

Shrek and Donkey arrive just in time to stop Fiona and Prince Charming from kissing. The Fairy Godmother attempts to strike at Shrek with her magic, but is foiled by his friends manage to steal her wand.

But all seems lost when the Fairy Godmother commands Prince Charming to kiss Fiona, under the impression that she took the potion. But it's obvious she didn't drink it when she headbutts Charming, knocking him to the floor.

The Fairy Godmother rounds on the King, demanding an explanation for his treachery, when suddenly Prince Charming takes back the wand and gives it to her. She prepares to blast Shrek and Fiona, but the King jumps into the middle of it, bouncing the magic back at the Fairy Godmother with armor he just happened to be wearing to the party, causing her to burst into bubbles.

How... random!

But what of the King? It turns out that he was a Frog Prince and has been turned back to his original form- a frog. It doesn't seem to damper the Queen's love for him (Um. Ew.) or his ability to talk, so he apologizes to Shrek and Fiona and gives them his royal marital blessings.

Oh wait, there's one more plot point to wrap up- the clock strikes midnight and Shrek asks if Fiona wants to be human permanently. Of course she refuses and as the bell chimes midnight, the two return to their Ogre forms, Donkey whining about not being a stallion along the way.

And because no Dreamworks movie prior to this ended without dancing, this one follows suit with Donkey and Puss singing "Livin' La Vida Loca".

Final Thoughts: As cynical as I was, I really think this is the best movie in the Shrek series. They really did tone down the gross factor humor and lightened Donkey's annoying humor, making this a more serious movie considering it's "Fuck you, Disney!" beginnings.

The new characters were pretty much hit and miss. I didn't really care much for Prince Charming, but Puss and the Fairy Godmother made up for it by far. The returning characters were just as good as they were the first time around, even if you still want to choke Donkey for his antics. It was really refreshing to see Shrek go from his Ogre anger to his persistent love for Fiona, very good character development there.

And of course, it turns it up to eleven during the last ten minutes, which really gripped me as a viewer.

Too bad I know that Shrek the Third doesn't hold up to the positives I found in Shrek 2. Oh, the "joys" of children and predictable story lines...