Atlantis: Milo's Return

Hello everyone and welcome to my very first review on Sindragosa vs. the Sequels, Prequels, and Spin-Offs! What other way is there to kick off the start of this blog than with the first sequel that made me realize the reduced quality in extended canon media?

Get ready to take a seat in a sub pod as we dive into Atlantis: Milo's Return.

DVD Cover: As far as DVD cover art goes, Atlantis: Milo's Return isn't that bad. That's not to say it's good, either. Smack in the center are Milo and Kida riding in what seems to be a fish boat making a "D:" face. Where as Milo's expression looks genuine and determined, Kida's backseat smirk looks a bit deranged and out of character. Must be those overly thick eyebrows and her skin suddenly being white.

What I find the most distracting is how crammed Milo's fish boat is. It's as if the art directors said "We need more characters in here!", rock-paper-scissored for who would take up the remaining seats, and photoshopped them in at ten minute's notice. Poor Mole looks absolutely sardined in there!

Milo's Return... only he doesn't stay, so it's not much of a return. Oh well.

Plot: I should start this review by saying that this is not a sequel to Atlantis: The Lost Empire. In fact, it's three mini episodes sloppily sewn together to make a makeshift movie. The idea was if the Atlantis movie was successful, a series called Team Atlantis would be made and shown on the Disney Channel.

Unfortunately, and I say that because I enjoyed Atlantis: The Lost Empire, the movie didn't do too well in Disney's eyes, causing the shutdown of Team Atlantis, and the chimera known as Atlantis: Milo's Return was stitched together and marketed off as a sequel to the original story.

The movie opens to some ship workers chatting to each other in their native language when they are suddenly attacked by the slowest tentacled sea monster ever. In fact, I don't think he's attacking the ship at all. He's probably yawning and stretching! You know you're movie is starting out bad when the monster's bored and we're not even five minutes in.

The scene changes to Kida zooming around on a flying fish boat while six legged creatures known to the Atlantians as "Lava Dogs" swim after her. After some monologuing about far more interesting things that happened in the first movie, Kida returns home with one of the dogs she seems to keep as a pet.

Kida and Obby return home to find Milo, who is obviously not voiced by Michael J. Fox. Normally I'd save this for the final thoughts section, but it's painful at how different the new voice actor sounds. It's kind of familiar, in some deep seeded corner of my mind...

Oh. Right. James Arnold Taylor.

Yuna: You probably shouldn't laugh any more.

After some PDA, Team Atlantis shows up, including Milo's friend Mr. Whitmore. Ah, to be a fly on the wall of the conversation Team Atlantis had with him about Milo not being dead, about saving the city of Atlantis and all of it's splendor...

Instead we get some poorly executed flirting via Mole and Dr. Sweet eating a live grub. Lovely.

It turns out things on the surface aren't doing so well. The entrance to Atlantis is guarded by a mechanical Leviathan, so Team Atlantis figures the Kracken is probably a loose Atlantian artifact. After convincing Milo and Kida to join them in taking on the Kracken, the movie breaks down into three Scooby Doo-esque episodes:

Episode One: Kracken

Team Atlantis Members: Milo, Kida, Obby, Vinny, Audrey, and Mole.

"Plot": After an encounter with the Kracken and one sub pod destroyed, Team Atlantis finds themselves on a mysterious island inhabited by soulless people run by a man named Edgar Volgud. Volgud turns out to be controlled by the Kracken and after bombing the thing, the town is set right.

Or is it? In the one good extended scene this movie has to offer, it turns out that the innkeeper's baby is not a human child after all, but a baby Kracken being raised to start the island cycle again...

On your left you'll see the one good scene in this movie. No pictures please.

Episode Two: Dust Coyotes (no, I'm not making this up.)

Team Atlantis Members: Milo, Kida, Obby, Dr. Sweet, Audrey, and Mole.

"Plot": The team finds themselves caught between a feud with a hospitalized old timer and a business tycoon called Ashton Carnaby. It turns out that the old timer was hospitalized from an attack by dust coyotes because he had an ancient Native American artifact in his house, which is later stolen by Carnaby.

After barely escaping an encounter with the coyotes, the team takes it upon themselves to return the artifact, dragging Carnaby along the way. Of course when they find the place, Carnaby double crosses them, but the dust coyotes and their Native American spirit guide save them and transport them out of the sacred cave.

ZUUL, MOTHERFUCKER! ZUUL!

Episode Three: Odin (no, really, I'm not making this up!)

Team Atlantis Members: Milo, Kida, Obby, Vinny, Audrey, and Mole.

"Plot": Team Atlantis travels to a cold climate Iceland to fight a crazy rich guy who thinks he's Odin, Milo is Loki, and Kida is Brunhilda. After Kida gets captured, Team Atlantis skis down a mountain using a giant door as a sled and Milo as a human rudder.

*massages temples*

Mole demands an explanation for this bullshit!

Oh, and Kida gets a hot wardrobe upgrade.

Bow chicka wow wow.

The movie wraps itself up with Kida reclaiming Odin's spear and using it to raise Atlantis to the surface, leaving the fate of the characters and the change in the world on an optimistic cliffhanger.

Final Thoughts: There's something I've noticed in Disney sequels that I'm going to bring up a lot, and that's the subject of lighting. Throughout this movie, I noticed a distinct lack of shadows in the animation, which makes the characters and scenery look flat and unprofessional.

The animation for Atlantis: Milo's Return is sloppy at best, not once looking like the beauty that was the first movie. Everything is blocky and Saturday Morning Cartoon-ish, though when you consider that it was supposed to be an animated cartoon and not an actual movie, I can cut it a bit of slack.

That's all for my first review. I hope it was enjoyable and I didn't ramble as much as I tend to do. If you found my blog to your liking, please feel free to read on next Monday when I review yet another sequel.

This IS my excited face.